The first couple of weeks...

One week into my journey - well the first week that I really knew I was on this journey - proves difficult.

We decide that our news, while welcome and exciting is probably best kept close to home. One in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage and we don't want to have too many people in the loop in case things don't work out - we figure that dealing with that possibility requires a few close friends for support but that's about it. We decide to tell my parents, and some of our closest friends as well as another friend who had numerous miscarriages herself so that if things go pear shaped we have a tight support network who can help us through it. My parents were less excited than they were with the news of Master 2 (who was the first grandchild) but they had company when we told them so didn't want to have to answer any questions. I told one friend who was so excited that hubby insisted on telling the next person on speaker phone so he could hear the reaction. He was very pleased with the squeals of delight that emanated from the phone.

Back to reality there's work to do and secrets to keep so gotta keep soldiering on. Fortunately nausea hasn't yet set in (I reckon I've got another 4 days until it hits) so it's just the exhaustion I have to try and hide. Which is difficult when at least 3 of my colleagues know we're thinking of having a 2nd child and one is 32 weeks pregnant and very aware of the symptoms.

So week one I have 2 consecutive days of delivering training that I'd forgotten about (another symptom??). Worse is that i'd previously agreed to speak at an event after work after the first day of training - an event that started at 6pm and didn't finish until 8.45pm. I have no idea how I got through it. But I did.

With this week, week 2, comes the Federal Budget. An announcement on Mothers Day that they are going to be introducing a system of paid parental leave for the first time in Australia. I am so excited because I've been involved in the campaign. I'm a bit disappointed because the date of introduction is so far away that we'll miss out - not that I can tell anyone. At work, my pregnant colleague is sick 4 of 5 days so one less person I have to avoid feeling sleepy around.

Thursday arrives and I'm going to a celebration about the campaign to introduce paid parental leave. I was going to go just with my boss but 2 of my colleagues decide to come at the last minute. I'm very pleased. They (we??) decide to go to the pub first.

The Pub.

I decide the best way to handle this is to pretend nothing's changed. Which isn't easy cause I usually drink beer - and i'm not drinking anything alcoholic now, or for the foreseeable future. So I figure out that if I buy the round i've got more control over facilitating this charade. The others decide what they want, I tell them I'm buying, but the bar is small, and quiet (we're the only ones there). I try and tell the bar tender that I want an OJ in a small glass (the sort they use for mixed drinks), she's not very quiet about asking her colleague how much to charge me for it. I want to scream, "I don't care, charge me full price just shut up about it!". But I don't. The others don't seem to notice. I pretend I have vodka in my drink. We go to the celebration.

Formal proceedings over there is a help yourself bar (wine, beer, juice, soft drink and champagne). I try to surrupticiously help myself to a champagne glass with only a finger of champagne in it (I can pretend to drink). One of my colleagues notices and I said that I didn't want to mix drinks and there wasn't any vodka. Unbelievably she doesn't take it any further. Later on I get a wine glass and drink apple juice out of it. The other colleague notices and calls me on it - I tell her it's apple juice (I didn't want to drink out of a plastic cup) and that mixing the champagne and vodka didn't agree with me. Bah. This is bullshit. I don't want to lie to these people. I just want to not be in these situations. Oh well. Let's hope I can avoid The Pub for a while.

Friday I spend out of the office with one of my team - lots of train travel (alone) = extra sleep time. Could be worse.

I think the next couple of weeks will be challenging. This week I'm due to work both Mon and Tues night, same with next week, and Mon the week after. Not sure I can keep up the facade. We have a function on in 2 weeks to celebrate my boss's 25 years in the organisation. There will be lots of alchohol. Gotta figure out a strategy soon.