Holidays and Trauma

Last weekend was also Jewish New Year. As with any family holiday it's usually a chaotic event. This year, however promised to be something different. We often have dinner on both first and second night, even though we only really celebrate one day in our household. This year 2nd night was going to be the big family (read chaotic) event. My aunt was hosting and we were starting early to make concessions for the growing number of little people in the family. Now we have 4 (3, 2, almost 2, and 1) we want to try and make it as pleasant as we can for everyone. This necessarily means not waiting until 7pm to eat. So it was a 5.30pm start.

First night we decided to do something different. Given we were doing the big family thing on 2nd night, some friends of ours who don't have family in Sydney agreed to host. There were only 6 adults and 3 kids and it was a lovely meal. A nice change from the chaotic family events we usually do. All the kids had a great time and because it was at a "child friendly" location it was relaxing for us as well. Must try and do this each year :)). Saturday night was the family event, not as chaotic as it might have been and it was lovely to have an early start and be home by 8pm for Master 2 to have a relatively normal sleep.

Our trauma happened Saturday morning.

I had decided to put Master 2 into a lovely white shirt to wear to Synagogue but it needed ironing. I got out the iron - had to bribe him with a chocolate to put the damn thing on - and of course, it's far too big. I found an alternate shirt for him, turned off the iron, told him to be careful because it's hot (he's usually VERY good about not touching hot things), and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

Then I hear a yelp followed screams and tears.

My heart jumps into my mouth and I run out to discover that he has touched the iron with his thumb and has had a nasty fright and a small burn. His little hand goes under the water for the required time but he's inconsolable. The only way I can get him to stop wailing is by trying to help him regulate his breathing - in and out, in and out.

Eventually I go searching for my "burn aid" a soothing cream you can use on minor burns, but to my disgust it's nowhere to be found (later I recall throwing it out as it was a few years out of date). I decide to pack him up and take him to Synagogue anyway - I can't see the burn myself and while I know from experience how much these things hurt, I hope that with some distraction he'll be OK. We stop at the chemist to buy some more cream and head for the toddlers service. Master 2 has his left hand in a cup of water and only seems to be calm when his hand is submerged. Sometime during the car ride he spills most of the cup of water so that by the time we arrive he is absolutely soaking wet. And still inconsolable.

You'd think in a toddler service no one would bother giving me filthy looks for a crying child - but no, this group of parents seems no more indulgent or understanding than any other group of adults. I'd met my Dad at the Shul and he had decided that after the toddler service he'd take Master 2 home to his place so I could go to the main service and meet them at his place for lunch. Toddler service out - we literally shove Master 2 (still crying uncontrollably) into my Dad's car and he takes him home. Instructions are given to my Mum for a dose of panadol and some TLC.

My experience at the service was difficult this year. There's a particular prayer that relates to the story that on New Year God writes in the book of life and death - who should live and who should die and the manner in which they will die. How many shall pass on and how many shall come to be... The prayer concludes with a verse that claims "repentance, prayer and charity temper judgements severe decree". Given the rawness of emotion still with me after the death of our good friends son (he didn't survive even until the early induced birth, and was stillborn) I found myself with tear running down my face. The idea that is espoused in this prayer that their actions might have prevented this event make me angry and sad and make faith extremely difficult. I hope that their holiday period was not too traumatic and that their prayers are answered - I also pray that our unborn son makes his journey without incident.

It's been a rather emotional week.

Happy New Year to all, and may you be written in the book of life.